The Misfits review by Ashley Sin Derella

You knew it was coming, you knew it had to be! I cannot, nor would not, review horror music and not cover The Misfits. These brilliant minds not only started this whole movement but consistently kept horror music fresh and awesome. Anybody who loves horror themed music would do good to bow down before the Godfathers of horror music and kiss their jet black boots. The Misfits did it first, The Misfits did it best and The Misfits did it the longest. So here is my review, even though I am sure you know my feelings about it by now. So I am going to just tell you why I think The Misfits are the best damn band to ever grace the world with their talent.

One! Sexy Voices!!!!

If there is any horror themed band that can drop panties faster than The Misfits, please do contact me with proof. The Misfits no matter what singer (or hell even what lyrics you are hearing) always sound stupidly sexy. Both Danzig and Graves have that deep booming voice. Both make those pretty haunting “whoooas” and “ooooohhhsss” that make you forget that they are singing about murder and other not so pretty acts. Horror music is no stranger to sounding romantic and there is romantic beauty in the macabre, but The Misfits are not romantic…The Misfits SOUND romantic. They can be romantic, I guess, but mostly the lyrics are wicked and they say some pretty fucked shit, but like a siren they lore you in with pretty voices. Also both Danzig and Graves have an amazing range vocally then you throw in the 50’s doo whoop and the punk rock and all of a sudden it’s wet panties central…just like 50 Shades of Gray only better because talent dictates these things.

Two!  Nostalgic content! 

Who the fuck hasn’t seen Universal Monster Movies???? Well, maybe a lot of people but those are people we don’t really know here at the Aficionados so for people like us hearing lines from or figuring out what movie they are singing about is fun. You hear “we belong dead” and you get a smile on your face because you know they are referencing The Bride Of Frankenstein and you’re like….”Fuck yes!” it feels good and it was extremely smart for The Misfits to play tribute to these movies through their music. Everyone like to feel nostalgic but when it comes in the form of something new we all get excited. Think about how you feel when the remake of a movie comes out. Your all “blah blah it’s gonna suck” to your friends but deep down inside you are excited and can’t wait to see that shit. Why? Because your child hood memories live but it’s something fresh and new. That is what The Misfits did and why I think they are one of the more universally loved bands… hell even Cee Lo Green likes The Misfits. They knew that people would appreciate the tributes. Just to note they do have a lot of horror themed songs that are not about any movie at all for those that may not be familiar with this band.

Here The Misfits are with Vampira whom they wrote a song about.

Three! Videos!

The Misfits were in their prime when music videos were the shit. Little low budget movies that rocked our socks off and as low budget horror has always been a thing all it’s own The Misfits would naturally make amazing videos. Cheeky horror with just enough grit to make you feel like maybe these guys are psychopaths. They didn’t make a whole bunch of videos but the videos they did make where amazing at least to me. You forget how short a Misfits song is when you hear it and see a video because they are able to tell a story and make a film start to finish in under 3 minutes. Their videos are short films and they are done so well that it counts toward their rating.  Seriously watch the video for American Psycho and tell me that video is not amazing.

 SIDE NOTE! Graves Vs. Danzig

You will hear a lot of Misfits fans argue that one singer is better than the other. For me I love the both of them and feel that neither of them is any better than the other really. They both work well with the band and are equals when it comes to talent. I will say I’d rather listen to and enjoy Graves more, only because he doesn’t take it to such a dark extreme as Danzig did. Hell after Danzig left Jerry Only started a Christian punk band for a little bit because he felt bad for some of the songs he had preformed. And as someone who loves punk rock you must admit that Graves era is more punkrocky. When it comes down to it though I love this band as a whole, both singers and I know I always will. So for that…

The Misfits 5 out of 5 Brain stabs……duh.

 

-Ashely Sin Derella

  Till next time stay haunted ghoulies!

The Shrine (2010) -review by Rabid Fox

Overview: A journalist, her photographer boyfriend, and her 3rd wheel intern, travel to Poland to investigate mysterious disappearances linked to a remote village. The trio uncover a creepy sect that are not happy to have anyone nosing around their business. Horrific times ensue.

Impressions: The opening scene shows a man strapped to some sort of altar and someone using a heavy hammer to smash a metal-spiked plate into the victim’s face. Great start but I expected that the movie might end up like Hostel, just some “Americans in a strange land” torture porn. I was surprised that there was more to offer! The village is positioned near a wooded area covered in perpetual fog. In that fog, the journalist finds a creepy demonic statue that appears to follow her gaze and hold a beating heart in its clutches. Also, in addition to the “suspicious of outsiders” villagers, we also catch a glimpse of a man in some religious garb who acts very hostile towards the outsiders. The token friendly villager in this film is a little girl who tries to help the trio find out what happened to the missing travelers but ends up getting them into deep shit. I don’t want to give too much away but the film takes a great supernatural turn and the creepy cultists get to have some refreshing depth.

-Rabid Fox

Satan’s Little Helper -review by the Director

 

This is a fun little movie about a too-naive boy named Dougie who is obsessed with a popular video game Satan’s Little Helper. As the movie opens Dougie is excited (creepily excited) to see his sister who is coming home from college just in time for Halloween but, unfortunately, he’s crushed to find out that sis has brought home her boyfriend as well. While Dougie goes off sulking he spots a person in a tacky costume and devil mask who seems to be up to some mischief. Dougie is convinced that the stranger is Satan and the boy begs to tag along and play the part of the little helper.

Now whether or not this masked stranger is, in fact, Satan, he is silent throughout and has an insatiable blood-lust. Satan goes about town merrily slaying people and otherwise causing chaos. Dougie is so caught up in his video game world and thinking that “Satan” is just playing around that the boy doesn’t notice the real danger. In one scene, Satan is pushing Dougie in a shopping cart through a busy parking lot. Dougie begins to look at the people around (the pregnant woman, the old man, etc.) as video game targets and taunts Satan into going after them.

Overall, there’s a humorously high body count, a kid that’s not too annoying despite how blind he is to the chaos he’s helping contribute to, a sister that’s hot enough that Dougie’s creepy obsession with her is sorta understandable, and Amanda Plummer as the mom! The movie has enough quirky charm that by the time Dougie realizes that Satan is a bad guy (shocker!) you actually feel kinda bad for him.

 -Rabid Fox

The Walking Dead vs. American Horror Story by Sin Derella

Walking Dead vs. American Horror story:

Today I am going to give my personal opinion about how these shows stack up against each other. I do this with the understanding that there will probably be more than a few of you whom will disagree with this opinion, but if I cared, I wouldn’t be writing this! So we go, both opponents are in their corners gloves on and begging for the sweet taste of blood.

The Walking Dead:

The first season of this show was tits out awesome. None stop zombie action and great (for the most part) characters. It felt so good to see a show based on the Z-pox and knowing that next week we were going to be seeing this story advance and the plot thicken and when the show ended I along with every other human pined for the return. The following year we got that return and here is where a lot of people felt kind of ripped off. There was not as much jam packed action and gore as the first season leaving many with a bad taste in their mouth. Additionally Laurie became more of an annoyance than anyone wanted to deal with. Still I still very much enjoyed season 2. It was nice to see Glen get the respect he deserved and I really liked when Shane died, I hated Shane…HATED SHANE.

                                     What’s not to like? 

The finally of the second season promised us that season three would be just as great as the first two. Now I will admit that I have not seen all of season 3 yet, but there is a reason. I have had the opportunity to watch the third season and I just cannot get into it.  The magic is gone for me. I don’t know if this is due to the fact that over the past few years we have been experiencing a Z-pox over dose or if it is how annoying most of the characters are but I just can’t seem to get into it. I know all the highlights and I can say that it seems pretty good but all and all I am just very much over it. It makes me sad truthfully. I WANT to still have that excitement in my heart, I want to still have the interest in this once amazing show but I am just plan worn out of it. I have never like soap operas and just because you throw zombies around doesn’t mean I’ll like it anymore and that is what this show has become. I watched the first episode and was pretty disappointed and a big disappointment is that in the trailer for the new season they showed action packed scenes and they did not deliver this. I am glad that they FINALLY KILLED ANDREA

So crucify me now, but The Walking Dead gets a 3 out of 5 brain stabs for me.

American Horror Story:

I loved this show from the very first episode just as I did with The Walking Dead. Even then however I liked this show more. The characters are interesting even the small and obscure characters and this show honestly scares the shit out of me. I love the way in the first season they always showed a history in the murder house. Those scenes we so well done, words just couldn’t justify. Every scene brought the picture a little clearer and it was really satisfying for me. I couldn’t believe the disturbing shit I was witnessing and I wanted more and this show never disappointed me. There was drama but not so much that it bores you and these characters actually try to resolves their issues, unlike Laurie. It is worth noting that I do like ghost stories more than zombies and the sexuality in American Horror Story got me pretty interested as well. This show was hot.  When I first heard that they were making this show an anthology series I was a bit taken back by it as I knew they would be using a good amount of the characters from Murder House in Asylum, but I got over it pretty fast. Sadly due to lack of cable I have not had the chance to watch that season. I have however watched the first two episodes of the third season Coven and I am really in love once again from the beginning. I like this anthology idea; it keeps the characters fresh and the actors on their toes.  That is why in my opinion American Horror Story wins. If a character does end up annoying me (and I have a feeling Emma Roberts character will be that one) I can take comfort in knowing that next season I will not have to deal with that character and their same whinny stupid bullshit. Also because this is an anthology show the fact that I haven’t got to see season two has no bearing on my enjoying season three as it is a completely different story all together. This show is just better done and better written than The Walking Dead and for that it gets a 4 out of 5 brain stabs, the only reason being I missed season two and season three has only just began.

Til next time stay haunted ghoulies!

-Ashley Sin Derella

Insane Clown Posse “ICP” review by Sin Derella

 

If you know who ICP is than it should go without saying I need to review this band as one of my pieces on horror related music. ICP are one of the world’s most universally hated music groups but accomplished a lot by paving the way for a new genera  called“Horror Rap”. As someone who was a fan of ICP and now cannot stand them I will try to give an honest review and hopefully it will be fair.

I remember the first time I heard ICP. I was thirteen and I thought “WOW! It’s just like listening to a horror movie!” I was in love. This music had a cheeky sound that put you to mind of those wonderful 80’s slasher films we all love but darker. Not only did songs tell a story but entire albums would tell one continuous story. It almost at times felt like the old radio shows or a horror comic book. You waited for the next chapter. That was the fun for me. That is what caught my ear.  As far as being horror related they DID meet the criteria at first and they did it well.

I will say they meet the standard expectations necessary to be considered rap as well. They can rhyme, they have hooks, and they make sense. When they first started it was during the days of Korn and Limp Biscuit so there was this metal, rock, rap orgy thing that was going on at the time that was an obvious influencing sound for ICP.  Through the years that style of music became obsolete as all music will and ICP became more and more rap influenced. This did not work in their benefit. They became more cocky, their fans became more cock and stupid, and it influenced both their fan base and their sound in unfortunate ways.

 

(Yes these gangsters are ICP and company for their side project Psychopathic Rydas. A far cry from their roots and ridiculous.)

Yes, at one time ICP was Rap Horror but that is not what they are or have been in a really long time. I used all of this to rate them. I do not like them anymore and haven’t for a while but they started a whole new sub-genera that was an original a concept and they did know what they were doing. So in being fair as I promised I would I give them a 3 out of  brain stabs. Haters are going to hate. Till next time stay haunted ghoulies!

3 out of 5 stabs!

 

    -Ashley Sin Derella 

 

The Graves reviewed by the Director

The Graves (2009)

The Graves

The Lowdown:

Two curious, and smokin’ hot sisters Megan and Abby Graves (Clare Grant and Jillian Murray) are on a road trip.

Megan has just finished college, looking forward to a big career in business. Abby is an insecure high school graduate. The hot chicks stop off at a Dinner in a small desert town called Unity. There they learn about ‘Skull City Mine.’

Kinda sounds like Capt. Spaulding telling the young folks about the Dr. Satan legend.

Tough ass Megan persuades her timid sister to visit the supposedly haunted ghost town around Skull City Mine. There is a bizarre vibe in the little desert town of Unity. Yet these gothy looking girls sally forth, into big trouble.

Thrills and Blood:

This little straight to video B-horror goes straight to the thrills. We get scanty if any character development. Another group of four young people, I guess in their twenties, also visit Skull City Mine. Two of them are murdered before the camera crew is even set up.

The town of Unity is controlled by a malevolent demon. Not to worry Reverend Abraham Stockton (Tony Todd aka Candyman) mediates with the demon who I guess is Jesus, and the towns people. At least the Reverend seems to think the demon is Jesus.

The killing starts off quick in Skull City. ‘Mama’ tells the girls to make sure and visit the blacksmith. The blacksmith, who looks like a member of Lynard Skynard, says, “It ain’t nothing personal’ before he bludgeons his victims to death with a hammer. Until he meets Megan who has a black belt and is all to happy to fuck up the blacksmith.

The girl’s seem to have escaped until Mama’s other son and older brother of the blacksmith shows up, Caleb ‘Cookie’ Atwood (Bill Moseley). The thrills kick it up a notch.

Acting: 

Tony Todd is good as the Reverend. He gives the part his all.

Bill Moseley is great but it’s not really clear what he really is, his character, though entertaining, is vague. Why does he have a rubber pig snout under his hat? Does he always carry that with him? I guess he is an avid sadist. A role he plays well.

Clare Grant looks like a swim suit model and her acting fits the script. She is in almost every scene and I never got tired of looking at her. Murray (Abby) cries a lot and her mascara never runs.

No one else is of note.

Sex:

Nada. I know right? Disappointing. 

Gore: 

The movie earns it’s R rating. A medium does of blood and killing. We get some of that stupid CGI blood and some corn syrup and red food coloring. A gash here a stab there, not enough to satisfy a thirsty gorehound.

Final Thought:

The Graves is an okay way to spend a movie night. If you are looking for some easy on the eyes female models getting chased, kicking ass, and a kind of supernatural slasher with ambiguous religious over tones, this is it. Bill Mosley and Tony Todd’s roles are small but worth seeing if you are a die hard fan of either of them. I’ll watch anything with Bill Moseley in it.

I will say, as soon as I knew what was going on (about ten minutes past showtime), Lawrence S. Talbot and I guessed how the movie would end. Though I’m sure it was supposed to be a surprise of sorts.

This movie is a solid two out of five, but because I enjoyed it, it starred Bill Moseley, and Tony Todd. I’m bumping it to three stabs. If Clare Grant had done a full frontal and more of the gore and been on screen instead of off, it would have gotten another stab.

A Rating of 3 out of 5

-The Death Director 

Ghost Ship

4 out of 5

-Ashley Sin Derella, “This movie is great!!!!!”

-Bloody Bobbie, “I love this movie!”

-Director, “I liked this movie a lot. Starts out gruesome and continues as a solid good time.”

-Gorehound, “The wire slice in the beginning is the best scene!

Candyman

“They will say that I have shed innocent blood. What’s blood for, if not for shedding?” -Candyman

5 out of 5 Stabs

-Girl Gruesome

–

I Spit on Your Grave 2 review by Webb

I Spit on Your Grave 2 (2013)

I really want to tell you face to face my review on the new I Spit on Your Grave 2. But…. it would sound to creepy. I will say is that it was a good movie. It could have gone by a different title.

Decent acting.

A different story.

The kill scenes were not as good as the first 2010, I Spit on Your Grave.

Still I enjoyed the movie.

   -Webb

The Devil’s Carnival reviewed by Ashley Sin Derella (Quickies)

 

The Devil’s Carnival 

I enjoyed this short horror musical so much when I first saw it, that to be honest I watched it every night for a week. The music is so fun and enchanting and the actors portray their parts so well you never for a second believe anything other than the story could have ever been their world. I am doing a quickies review on this so I am just going to touch on my favorite aspects of this film.

My favorite character is the Painted Doll. She does not speak one bit but then you get to her musically number Prick! The Scorpions Tail and it is just jaw dropping. It is done in an opera kind of way and words just can not express how beautiful it is. However she being my favorite character and the song being a great one it is not my favorite song, my favorite song is beautiful stranger, seriously go look it up. That scene is awesome. For more than just the song. You can find it on youtube.com. Go! Go now! I’ll be here when your done  anyways this film means a lot to me and it saddens me that I can’t review it at more length but I want you to watch it.

With fun music characters and the way it makes you see heaven and hell as almost equal evil’s (watch how God throws the broken dolls away and put two and two together) this film gets a 4 out of 5 brain stabs for this girl only because damn it I wanted more and hour was too short!!!! Til next time stay haunted ghoulies!

– Ashley Sin Derella