The Devil’s Due (2014) -review by the Director.

 

The Gist:

Zach is in love with Sam. They’re soon to be wed, those little love birds. Zach is a sycophant codependent. Every move Sam makes he is there with his video camera.

Zach and Sam will have no need for long term memory because Zach is literally recording everything they do. In fact that is how we watch the ‘Devil’s Due’ through video cameras.

OBGYN:

When you are on vacation, lets say your honey moon and you are drunk and tired. It’s your last night of your vacation. You just want to get home to your hotel, have sex one more time and get some sleep before you catch a plane in the a.m. Don’t, and I mean don’t, go with some ostentatious cab driver hyper-pressuring you to go to this wild party only the locals know about.

Because you might drink to much tequila and end up put in a room that acts as gateway to hell. In this room you might get boned by the devil and subsequently get pregnant with his hybrid love child. This is exactly what happened to Zach and Samantha. Her slit was filled with satanic seed.

 The palm reader knew where this was going.

Through the hand held and surveillance camares we watch Samantha come to term.

Being pregnant with demon sperm effects a girl. Sam is a vegetarian and she eats raw meat in the grocery store. She has some type of super power, while eating deer in the woulds she kills some kids by throwing them violently into the air. 

          Get away you nosey fuckers!

Zach is realizing something is wrong. He, very slowly and far too late, uncovers the whole thing is a satanic plot. 

Devil’s Due isn’t an exact remake though it does follow closely the basic plot of Rosemary’s Baby except you see the movie more through the husband’s perspective rather than the mother’s, a subtle deviation from Roman Polanski’s film.

Acting:

I thought the acting was good.

 A lot of Sam lying around is exciting to watch.

Gore:

Some mutilated deer, a post caesarian section which isn’t very gory (nothing like Inside), some blood spitting, a huge needle going stuck in Sam’s belly bump, one decent boo-scare, some death by devil jedi force power.

Sex:

No nudity, no devil fucking, it’s only implied. Sam in a bikini, some clothed butt shots by her codependent hubby.

Something like this would have made the movie a lot better!

Directing:

Good job, telling a whole story with a video camera, that can’t be easy. Remarkable sound quality for watching something recorded with a surveillance camera, a hand held video cam, and a spy cam.

 Aww Satan junior is kicking, hard. 

Due Date: 

Before I say anything too critical I want to say I do like movies shot like this. Shot like Paranormal Activity, Blair Witch, Cannibal Holocaust. They create tension and realism. I think making a movie like this, with ‘an actor using a video camera’ ( I say that because in reality the actor is not really recording, the film crew is. It just looks like the actor is doing it.), is brave and takes talent to tell the story.

I love horror movies, this is a horror movie, and it’s not that bad.

 Don’t mess with a girl make a gateway to hell.

But that being said it’s not a movie you should go see at the theater, buy the DVD, or even rent at red box. It’s a film you might check out when you have a world class hangover, are suck home while your friends are out snowboarding, and it happens to be on cable. 

The story is predictable as hell. The movie lacks punch, gore, sex, sometimes it’s down right boring. How do you make a movie about being pregnant with Satan’s baby and it is boring? Somehow Devil’s Due accomplished this. A big plot hole is why doesn’t Zach watch all this footage he has taken? You could have found some clues there buddy.

The Symbol used in the movie the C with two dashes is explained to be a cult symbol for 1 John 2:18 about the anti-christ. While that is explained by the priest. We get no further details. Why or from where this symbol comes from is never explained. Is it really from a satanic cult or is it a symbol the writer (Lindsay Devlin) just arbitrary used because she thought it looked cool?

On a purely personal note, the part that really upsets me, and this is even true of a good devil baby movie like Rosemary’s Baby, is that in the end, the devil worshipers get their antichrist and the movie ends! We never get to see what happens. I just invested 90 minutes watching a 9 month occult pregnancy and I don’t get to see what shenanigans Satan junior get’s into. All I saw in Devil’s Due was that Demon’s Son’s head glows orange. I won’t spoil who lives or dies if you still want to see what Zach has on his SD card.

Unfortunately, in conclusion  I’m going to have to give this one a thumbs down. I hate to do it. I really wanted to like this one, but it just wasn’t satisfying enough.

This is the look on my face at the end of the movie too!

-The Director.

Cannibal Holocaust reviewed by Das Director

      Cannibal Holocaust

 

The Rep:

Banned in multiple countries! The alleged most controversial movie ever made. The film crew was arrested after production. PETA advocates are foaming at the mouth in disgust. Is this real cannibalism? Will I see naked natives eating human flesh? Perhaps you’ve seen the pictures.

Is it all shock and hype or is there a good movie buried under all this fluff?

Let’s get out the fork and knife: 

Ok, ok, so what is this shocker about? Four asshole adventurous film makers head off in the deep Amazonian jungle. Three fucktard dudes and one immodest chick in search of a lost cannibal tribe still around in this modern age.

Referred to as the green inferno for good reason, the amazon is a suffocatingly hot and dangerous place. It’s not really an exaggeration to say everything and everyone is trying to kill each other. If it can’t kill them, they kill it.

Our fearless quartet of film makers never return from the jungle. Did they find the cannibals they were looking for? A doctor of anthropology wants to find out.

He finds a couple really cool guides to lead him into cannibal country.

They expose him to various stone age tribes, animal cruelty, and some tangy native hairy gash. The guide reminds me exactly of Sid Haig in the Big Doll House. The guide uses cocaine, which is totally easy to get in the inferno I assume, to control the cannibal guide to lead them to his crew. Of course he also snorts a little himself all bad ass, off a buck knife blade.

The Doctor eventually finds the film cans lost from the four ass clown explorers. Trading the film cans for some shit like a watch and gold plated lighter the doctor skips back to the big city to enjoy some serious amateur cannibal exploitation films.

The group of professionals including the doctor, a lawyer, some TV executives, sit back and it’s show time. Here begins the second movie. Cannibal Holocaust is really a film within a film. The second movie is the lost film footage shot by the four douche bag film makers. Keep in mind this was done decades before Blair Witch or Cloverland made a movie appear to be shot by the actors. I have to give Cannibal holocaust major props for originality.

The Group shoots plenty of film of each other being cocky, constantly making dumb ass jokes, and mocking everyone. I never found myself endeared to them. As they trek along and come across various tribes they to go mysteriously fucking bananas. The heat, the jungle, the images they have seen, the isolation, frustration, it’s anyone’s guess. They engage in various forms of exploitation, setting villages on fire, gang rape, and other things I’ll leave out. At this point they have made enemies out of the cannibals. Not a smooth move stupid fucks, they should have had some coked up guides with them.

GORE:

 

Cannibal Holocaust doesn’t fail to deliver the goods. There is a great deal of graphic violence in the movie. You will see some really gross actual animals death. One word, ‘turtle,’ you have been warned.

The foreign films don’t seem to bother with fake rubber organs, I think these crazy actors are eating real guts. A violent giant stone dildo rape and bashed head. Severed arms, heads, ripped open guts, slimy organs being chewed on, genitals lopped off, skin bit off, you are in the gorezone.

I am always amazed at these jungle movies. The special effects look amazingly good and these guys had to set up these effects in a horrible atmosphere. Yes, that’s an impressively real looking penis copped off, it’s almost more impressive it was done in the amazon jungle.
Don’t worry about gore, it’s plentiful.

SEX:

We get copious male and female full frontal nudity.

 

A voyeuristic soft-core sex scene.

Two rapes, one is adultery punishment and features a giant stone dildo soaked in blood as it rips apart a hairy native puss. A longer gang rape, if you are a sicko and that tickles your pickle.

Music: 

Unfortunately the movie had some 1980s funk, keyboard, or disco type music. This dated the movie. That being said there was a theme song. The theme was chilling and you knew when you heard that tune something disturbing was coming. To me that was perfect use of  theme music.

Directing: 

Fantastic job! This is a horrible environment to shoot a movie in and you would never notice as you watched. All the first half of the movie, the footage of the doctor is professional looking, quality film making.

I am amazed at films that are shot first person. It seems like a truly difficult way to tell a story.  It’s done well here. You won’t have any problem. I found these moments in the movie the most engaging. I didn’t want to look away and miss something.

Final Rating:

Cannibal Holocaust really is a great movie. Holocaust means: any mass slaughter or reckless destruction of life. Success was achieved. This is a true horror movie and all fans of the genre should see it, hell, buy a fucking copy. It’s a right of passage.

The theme of this film seems to be ‘look how awful these stone ages fucks are, and yet modern man is no better.’ Everyone is trying to exploit something from this movie. The Doctor, the TV executives, the daring film makers from the second half, the natives in the jungle, even the production company who produced Cannibal Holocaust. Us for watching it for enjoyment, and on and on. A long chain of exploitation. Don’t get depressed it’s all fiction. Except for that fucking turtle, poor bastard.

              It left me dead….

 -Za DiReCtoR